A Box of Wine

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I recently bought a three liter box of wine. It is my first foray into boxed wine, and thus far I would say the wine is totally passable. I bought the box of wine because while I occasionally enjoy a glass, my husband is a teetotaler. The last time I can recall him consuming any alcohol of any kind was 1996, when he ordered a rum and Coke and didn’t finish it. The problem with this arrangement is that when I open a bottle of wine, I feel like I need to finish it quickly before it goes bad, and I end up drinking more at a sitting than I otherwise would. The box of wine states that it will stay fresh for up to six weeks, so that my wine-drinking doesn’t become a headlong sprint through a bottle.

Now that I have that box of wine in my fridge, ready to go at any time, I’m encountering some of my personal baggage. Like many people, I have a family history of drug and alcohol addiction. What was modeled for me growing up was an all-or-nothing approach to mind-altering substances. Moderate consumption of alcohol was not something that I really witnessed. I bought the box of wine precisely so that I could engage in moderate consumption, but having it there calling to me is putting me on edge. How do I set a reasonable pace for myself? What is a reasonable pace – and would I know when I exceeded it?

So far, I have consumed exactly two glasses from my box of wine, over two nights last weekend. I think it’s safe to say that I am not yet headed for an intervention. Given my own extreme fear of falling into addiction and dependency myself, and my years of not consuming any alcohol at all in response, I think I have a pretty good shot at avoiding a lifetime of alcoholism. What is interesting to me, though, is watching my own reaction to a situation that I have little experience with. Because I haven’t learned healthy habits when it comes to alcohol consumption, I am just now figuring this out for myself in my mid-30s.

It strikes me that my tenuous relationship with my box of wine provides a metaphor for living a life of purpose. Very few of us saw a life of passion and authenticity modeled for us as we grew up. Our parents may have been very good people who provided us with comfortable and happy homes, but so often the idea of pursuing your dreams falls by the wayside in the reality of raising a family. If we want to change things, and chart a new course, we’re left without a map. We know that we want to live a life of greater intention, but we don’t necessarily know how to juggle finding ourselves with all of our other commitments, so we have to figure it out in adulthood.

As I work out my own relationship with my box of wine, and strive to find a way to live a life of purpose while raising a family, I take comfort in the knowledge that I am setting an example for my children. Maybe I don’t always know what I’m doing yet, and I don’t always get it right, but I’m learning. In the process, I’m serving as a role model, whether it’s for how to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, or how to find your bliss while also paying your mortgage. My children will learn from me, and they won’t have the same struggles to figure it out for themselves as adults.

I’ll drink a glass of boxed wine to that.