Last month I interviewed local artist Deb Chaney for an article, and at one point we were talking about combining work and motherhood. She said:

“I look back and think about hanging out in my moms’ groups, because I did a lot of moms’ groups when she was little. I remember all the other moms were so settled and they were so enjoying their children, and I think they’d had careers. I’d never really had the experience of career fulfillment. I had had this taste of this thing called being a professional artist that I wanted to badly. And yet this child needed so much. I felt torn.”

I think many of us can relate to feeling torn when we’re trying to combine raising children with pursuing our own interests, whether it’s paid or not. I think many moms can also relate to that feeling that every other mother somehow has it all together while you’re floundering. Earlier this year I interviewed Willow Yamauchi, the author of the book Bad Mommy. She had this to say:

“At every step along the way, I was struggling, and I thought I was the only one that was struggling because I’d go to these baby and mommy groups and everyone would just be like smiling and blissful and, ‘Oh, it’s so great.’ But I kind of played along, too. Finally I went to my grandmother and I was in tears, actually, because my child never slept. She said to me, and this is amazing, ‘Willow, those other mommies are lying.’ It turns out as I went back to mommy-group-land and I looked for the lie, I really didn’t have to look very hard.”

As I’m typing it’s noon on Halloween. So far today I have gotten two kids dressed in their Halloween costumes, fed them breakfast, made their school lunches, and packed up snacks for two class Halloween parties. I kissed my son good-bye and walked my daughter to school. I came home, ate a quick breakfast myself, and went to the doctor for a minor prescription renewal. Then I got home, I plowed through my email, updated six different social media accounts using four different profiles, and updated my contributors on the website that I edit. But I’m not thinking about all that I’ve accomplished. I’m thinking about all that I haven’t accomplished. My to-do list is mighty, indeed.

Here’s the truth – most of us are way too hard on ourselves. Way too hard. We compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel (thanks to Steven Furtick for that one). We imagine that somehow everyone else has it together, and knows what they’re doing, and didn’t snap at their children while they furiously rushed to get everything done that needed to be done this morning. But if you actually listen to other people, and especially other mothers of young children who have a lot on their plates, we all struggle, at least some of the time.

So this Halloween, as you decorate and make last-minute costume alterations and get parties organized and hand out candy and take your kids trick-or-treating and try to get everyone to please, for the love of all that’s holy, eat at least one vegetable before you gorge on candy, cut yourself some slack. You’re doing a lot, and you deserve credit for it. Focus on what you have accomplished, rather than what you haven’t. And then take a moment to let the tension go, breathe, and let the knowledge that you are not alone wash over you. Because you absolutely, positively, are not the only one with too much to do, and not enough time to do it in.

Sometimes that knowledge that you’re not alone, and that you’re not the only one who can’t do it all, is enough to make a big difference. It’s a reminder that you’re not a failure, you’re just a human being. And you’re a human being who probably is doing a whole heck of a lot, if you can stop being so hard on yourself, and cut yourself a little slack.

Happy Halloween!